How to Start Homeschooling

I think a lot of new homeschool parents get quite anxious about how to start. There are so many options and so many big feelings. It’s very different if you’ve never sent your little ones to school, but if you have then what on earth do you do? Many make the mistake of immediately feeling the pressure to ‘keep up with school.’ Some even make a school room at home and have specific hours of learning. And there is of course plenty advice, much of it from people who have never done it before and do not approve of you trying. It can lead to a lot of anxiety and tears. I remember when I first told my Nan that I would be homeschooling my children her words of advice where ‘you have to have strict hours. I know my friend homeschooled and that’s what she said.’ When I told her that was the opposite of what I was planning for my young children she couldn’t really comprehend. I got worried looks from parents and there was the general feeling that I was ruining their lives.

To begin our journey I wanted to focus on building a good relationship with my children that would form the basis of the learning. The children needed a break from everything they’d learned because for better or worse school is an institution and one of the things they need to do is to get children to conform to the way they do things or it would be total chaos under that way of doing things. So we deschooled. This means taking a good long break from trying to do anything specifically educational. Sort of being together and finding out about each other. We were lucky as we had been planning and saving for a trip for a long time. So we went away and we didn’t do any school at all. We went round museums and interesting places and met with family. Our deschooling included a lot of interest led learning anyway , but it doesn’t have to. We did some fun science experiments. I read stories to them. We baked together and made blanket forts and watched movies. We learned what each other liked and how to be with each other all the time.

We fended off comments like ‘why don’t you write that up?’ or ‘you know you could make them write a diary?’ Everyone had a set idea of what they considered the important part of traditional school. One person thought it was essays so we should write everything down, regardless of whether that damaged the love of the learning activity in the first place. Another dissaproved of the lack of set hours even if we were reading together three hours before everyone at school started. But it did work. We all began to see that learning could be filled with love and joy and kindness and we went from there, introducing things as we went along, some based around interests and others things I wanted them to learn, but done in a way that is engaging above all things. You have to be strong enough that when you start, you can listen to everyone’s ideas and opinions and only take the ones you want.

Typical questions I got/get:

a) “What about socialisation?” Yes this is very important and it also looks different for every child. I was concerned about it to so I wrote a comparison chart to see how much socialisation they got over a period of time. One thing I realised quite quickly was that my children got more social hours than they had in school and it was of a higher quality. At school they had about fifteen minutes at morning break and about half an hour at lunch. During this time they were in a large field and left to make their own entertainment. There’s nothing wrong with that as such, but it certainly isn’t the way adults socialise. Another thing I realised was that although they were with other children all day it was not social for them. They were working and they were not allowed to talk. They were told off if the were talking because they ought to be working. Adults socialise by meeting up for a few hours when they want to and having tea or doing an activity. I wanted that for my children. I joined a homeschool group. We met once a week. It was good quality socialising. We did different things and we often did it all day and when it was time to go home, the children didn’t want to go. they’d had a lovely time. Some examples were the swimming pool, the local forest, the park and all sorts of things. We soon made some special friends and had play dates at houses or parks etc. They way they socialised naturally changed over time, but it was still there. Children also did the other groups that suited them ,some playing sports, some in scouts. We did special group activities like a bowling course and a pottery course. I realised pretty quickly that socialisation, or lack thereof, was not the problem with homeschool.

b) When the children reached high school age I got a lot of “what are you going to do for high school” and “you know the work gets harder right?” It was insulting frankly like up that point we’d merely been colouring in. I just tend to keep a polite smile and say yes, we are still homeschooling, but my children always have a choice and then change the subject. Comments like that aren’t about them engaging in the discussion and I’m a very busy lady trying to homeschool my high school aged kids.

c)”I’d hate my children to be in the house all day it would be terribly boring for them” – from the adults. “I’d be bored staying at home all day” – from the children. Cut to a few months later and I’m getting complaints that their children are asking to be homeschooled because they’ve seen what we actually do and they’re jealous. Remember the school children have the classroom and occasional well structured excursion with clipboards to learn in, whereas we have the world as a classroom. Also, sometimes parents think their children will drive them crazy, and yes sometimes they do, but we practice patients and good parenting and it all works out in the end.

d) “What do you do all day?” This is often said in an accusatory fashion as if I’m drinking pink gin while my filthy children draw on the walls. Different families homeschool differently. Some pick curriculum, some are eclectic like us and do a range of things from everywhere. Some use completely child led unschooling. All of us try our best to help our children love learning, achieve and fill their days with fulfilling, educations, happy times.

e) “I homeschooled my kid through covid lockdowns I don’t know how you do it I’d never do that again.” You were crisis schooling not homeschooling and you were suddenly thrown into grade nine maths and grade 4 English and you were doing it while working from home and unable to leave the house. If that was homeschooling I wouldn’t do it either.

f) “They need to learn how to get up for work and have a routine.” If the school system were responsible for this then there wouldn’t be a shift worker in the country. People adapt and you don’t need twelve years of practice to get out of bed. My children are relaxed and get enough sleep. They don’t need to commute to school and often get up later, but start earlier or do learning in the evening if it takes their fancy.

g) “They need the routine of school.” No not always. Some like the structure and eventually go to school after being home schooled. Some have a more structured homeschool. Some are relaxed and don’t have routine and some have a looser routine as they are doing different interesting things each day. mine have a routine where we get up when they are ready and we do some learning and we go out and we go to groups. My kids are fine and are not unable to cope with the world because they don’t have a strict school structure. that’s what they really mean, they are uncomfortable with someone being outside that systematic structure. If they needed the routine of school like a drug then how will they cope when they leave school and all that changes? My kids can comfortably get up and ready for things they want or need to do.

h) “What will they do if they want to go to university?” There are many ways to get into university that do not simply rely on school exams. Many people who have careers that I know didn’t do well in school and figured it out later and still got in to uni. There are open university courses, access courses and various universities looking at homeschool students. They are a business and they want your money it will be fine. If you have a child desperately wanting uni then you are homeschooled and you can start working on this earlier than other children, for example the OU courses have a very young age limit.

i) “What if they need to do exams, how will they cope?” we can do practice exam papers at any point and lead up to it, first in a relaxed way and timed if they want. I had exams from age 11. I had an entire week of exams every year, in year 10, 11, 12 and 13 I had one week in the middle of the year and one week at the end of the year thanks to mock exams and now I have huge exam anxiety because it was so stressful and everyone thought it was so important. They’ll be fine.

j) “You don’t have a teaching degree, what makes you think you can teach?” I’m married to a teacher and most people visibly relax and assume that he is the one really in charge and are surprised when he says ‘no I don’t really have anything to do with it she does it all herself.’ I watched carefully when hubby did a teaching degree and most of it was about teaching in schools. There is classroom management, behaviour management, regulations and actually surprisingly little on specific, this is how to teach stuff. They continue learning of course, but most teachers train how to teach children in a school environment and all of that is irrelevant to us because I don’t need it. I continue parenting and we learn with that. It doesn’t prevent me helping them learn and in classrooms the children that are ahead are those that get the help at home which is telling.

This list is far from exhaustive, but these have been the memorable or common ones. Good luck on your journey and remember that having a loving conversation about fractions while making and cutting up sushi can be just as useful as a worksheet. if you want to do the worksheet then good for you, that’s fine too.